Hasegawa Taizo's request: Be sure to watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV...
That was so much fun!
Tomorrow, let's invite Kagura-chan out and set off fireworks.
Sure.
Summer vacation really is a blast.
You can say that again.
I wish it would never end.
Are you sure about that?
Do you really want summer vacation to last forever?
If summer vacation were endless,
what would you want to do?
Keep vacationing forever?
Keep vacationing even as your classmates enter a new school term?
Keep vacationing even as they all graduate,
become independent, and start working?
Keep vacationing even as your parents make sarcastic remarks
Do Not Disturb!
about how your friend So-And-So got promoted or married?
"Really, I wanted to get a job too,
and get married, and repay my parents for all they've done for me."
With such thoughts in your head,
Mother of a Home Security Guard
would you stay in your room, left alone with nobody to call family,
and keep vacationing?
Of course you would.
You were the one who wished for an eternal summer vacation,
so you'd have to keep on vacationing,
with no vacations from your vacationing!
Do you get it now?
Vacations can only exist after work obligations,
the basis of the human lifestyle, are fulfilled!
You can't call a year-round vacation a vacation at all!
The same holds true for everything.
An endless vacation is the same as work.
It turns into an obligation, a source of pain.
You can only enjoy a vacation because it'll end someday.
You can only keep working because it'll end someday.
An endless summer vacation is no different from an eternal hell!
Thank your lucky stars!
Be thankful that your life has both obligations and vacations, both ups and downs!
Thankful that your summer vacation can still be called a summer vacation!
A Phoenix Rises from the Ashes Over and Over
In the midst of my endless summer vacation,
that was the only obligation I had left.
Summer vacation's the best!
What's so great about it?
It's him!
When kids gather at our home, the park,
and stay out playing too late, I warn them not to get too excited,
and send them on their way home.
Summer is a demon.
Conventional wisdom says summer is when youths start going down the wrong path.
Since it's summer vacation, what say we hit up the beach tomorrow?
Why does it have to be during summer vacation?
No! Don't leave me here alone!
As someone who's walked down the wrong path myself,
there are things that only I can say.
Using my life as an example,
I kept enlightening them to what life and summer vacation truly are.
But the number of kids gathering at the park didn't go down.
Far from it.
Hey, mister.
You're the guy who's going around telling scary stories, right?
I hear they're super scary.
Would you tell us one, too?
Before I knew it...
I'd become the scary-story teller.
How?!
Odd Jobs Gin-chan
How did the guy keeping kids on the straight and narrow
become the friendly scary-story teller?!
I have no idea.
All I did was complain or tell them stories of my failures,
but it scared the living daylights out of those brats.
Now they come around to listen to my One Hundred Complaining Tales.
What happened to the guy telling them not to stay out too late?!
And it's turning out to be quite profitable.
Kids these days have a lot of money, huh?
What's wrong with you?! They're kids!
You're the one who's strayed farthest from the straight and narrow!
I can finally escape my eternal summer vacation now.
Or so I thought,
but I've run out of things to complain about.
I thought I'd collect some actual scary stories here
and get this business on the road.
Do you know of any?
Scary stories?
I hate those kinds of baseless fabrications most of all.
You can't handle them, right?
So you should know better than anyone what's scary and what's not.
Th-They don't scare me at all.
Tell me one, then.
I'll split the profits with you, of course.
Really?
I'll tell you some stories I know, then.
I need stuff that sends chills down the spine!
Got it.
In a land far, far away,
there were five boys protecting a goddess.
But one day,
the goddess's chest was pierced by an enemy's arrow,
and the boys had to charge into the enemy's base
in order to save her life.
And so, the boys had to climb
this long-ass staircase leading to the Houses of Zodiac
for what seemed like an eternity,
ruining their summer vacation.
That's a stair-y story, not a scary one!
Stair-y Story
And isn't that Saint Seiya?!
Pitter patter, pitter patter...
No matter how much they climbed, there were no Houses in sight.
"Huh? That's weird. How much farther to the Houses?
Are they in Another Dimension?"
Pitter patter...
But they still couldn't see the Houses.
Try and sound like Inagawa Junji all you want, it's still Saint Seiya!
I want to hear scary stories!
You know, the ones with shocking twists like "it's you" at the end!
Get a clue, would you?!
It's... you!
I didn't mean as a comic retort!
Oh, okay.
Sugar Content
You want "it's you," right?
You should've said so.
I've been saying it all along.
In a land far, far away,
there were a pair of siblings who were abandoned by their parents.
They lived in poverty, but they got by with each other's support.
But one time, the younger brother fell ill,
and with no money and no family to turn to,
the older brother left him at a shrine and ran away.
Even though he'd convinced himself that somebody would save his brother,
the older brother was so scared, he never went back to the shrine.
Five years later,
once he'd found a job and was leading a stable lifestyle,
he made up his mind to return to the shrine.
Of course, he didn't see his brother on the shrine grounds.
Instead, he found a child sobbing in front of the shrine.
For some reason, the sight reminded him of his brother.
Unable to ignore the child, he approached him.
"Are you lost, kid?"
"Where'd your mother go?"
The boy didn't reply.
"What about your father, then?"
The boy didn't reply.
"What about your brother, then?"
That
is a question you should be asking yourself,
brother!
Got you!
None can escape Andromeda's Web!
You will die with me here, brother!
Did you really think a puny web like this could clip a phoenix's wings?
Brother?
Who's going to die here?
It's you!
What kind of "it's you" usage is that?!
Why'd it turn into Saint Seiya at the crucial moment?!
I'm pretty sure that's how the story I heard went.
That's not how you use "it's you"!
When the little brother turns around...
It's you!
Got it?
Why does it end with the older one firing back at him?
What kinda scary story is that?
Scary...
Super scary!
What part of that story made you freak out?!
T-Toei Animation's gonna kill us!
Okay, yeah, that's scary.
Really scary.
Close, but no cigar.
Scary stories need to give people goosebumps.
Huh? You got a problem, four-eyes?!
Let's see you try, then!
Everyone might've heard this one already...
No problem. It's sure to be better than Kagura-chan's stories, at least.
Say what?!
This better be real scary, or I'm breaking your glasses and your shades!
That...
comes right after these ads.
In a land far, far away,
there was a husband and wife, and their daughter,
a family of three.
But the couple's relationship was on the rocks,
and perhaps due to that,
the husband started having an affair,
and before long, began considering his wife's mere presence a bother.
Perhaps what happened then was the work of fate.
In the midst of another fight,
the husband was overcome with rage
and murdered his wife.
Before their daughter woke up,
he carried his wife's body up the mountains, and buried it there in the dead of night.
On the way back,
despite his relief at being freed of his wife,
he felt his feet growing more and more sluggish.
The guilt of committing a murder played a part,
but most of all, his daughter weighed heavily on his mind.
What if she asked where her mother went?
How was he supposed to face her from then on?
The more he thought about it, the heavier his body felt.
Completely unaware of how he felt,
the daughter woke up that morning
with a smile on her face.
She did not ask about her mother,
but wore a beaming smile.
Rather than making the husband relieved,
that smile only made him uneasy.
When he asked her why she was in such a good mood, she said,
"Because even though you two were fighting all the time,
it looks like you've finally made up."
"Your mother's not here. She's visiting her family."
When her father inadvertently uttered that lie,
the daughter said in reply,
"What are you saying, Dad?
Mom's right there, clinging to your back."
That's right...
A Phoenix rises from the ashes over and over!
Where the hell did Phoenix come from?!
Kagura-chan! Could you not shoehorn Phoenix into my story?!
That was too cliched.
Scary stories are all about adding original elements to familiar stories.
Original, my foot!
That was totally a rip-off!
Don't go adding stupid things!
Cliched is fine!
You know, stuff where a ghost approaches someone and says
"right behind you" at the end is perfectly fine!
Curses! Where did he go?!
"Right behind you!"
Why is Phoenix sneaking around to the ghost's back?!
That's the ghost's job! The ghost is supposed to take the back!
So this is Phoenix's bag.
Why would she take his bag?!
That's just an illusion.
Looks like you fell for my Demonic Illusion Fist.
Enough with Phoenix already!
He's so OP, he ruins scary stories at Mach speed!
Hey, tell her off, Gin-san.
Before, it was To Love-Ru and Kuroko people coming after us,
and this time...
This is bad!
No amount of pastry boxes will be enough!
There was something scarier than scary stories!
Sugar Content
All right, fine.
If I leave you guys to your devices any longer,
we'll only make more enemies.
I'd rather deal with a ghost than the Gold Saint.
Allow me to present to you a very special scary story.
You said you were fine with the "right behind you" types, right?
In a land far, far away lived a very wealthy lady.
One day, she got a new pegasus doll as a present,
so she threw away her unicorn doll named Jabu.
This reeks of Seiya already!
That's Lady Saori, isn't it?!
One day,
she was alone in her mansion
when the ringing of the telephone echoed through the hallways.
She picked up the receiver, only to hear a creepy voice from the other end.
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
Why'd you throw me away?
You'll pay for that.
I'm heading over right now.
At first, the lady thought it was just a prank call
and laughed it off.
However...
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
I'm at the intersection on Third now.
We'll see each other soon.
I-It can't be. It can't be Jabu.
How could a fodder character who was eliminated in volume three
of the manga come back now?
I don't believe it.
What are you even talking about?!
Paying no heed to the panicking lady, the phone kept ringing.
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
The signal just turned green.
Oh, I get it.
He's gonna gradually get closer before
saying he's right behind her at the end, right?
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
I just took a right at the intersection.
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
I'm at the intersection.
He's back at the intersection?
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
I just took a left at the intersection.
His reports are getting too detailed!
There's too much Jabu in this thing.
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
I just got back to the intersection.
What does he mean, he got back?
He's done nothing but wander around the intersection for a while now!
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
I'm in front of the police box.
He's lost, isn't he?
Jabu's totally lost, isn't he?
Is he gonna be all right?
He's gonna make it, right?
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
I just got to the airport.
He's coming by plane?!
Was he really thrown that far away?!
Just how long is this gonna take?!
Hello? It's me, Jabu.
My horn just triggered a body search.
Who cares?! Hurry it up!
Hello?
I apologize for calling at this late hour. It's me, Jabu.
Oh, not the unicorn. Just a horse.
I'm really sorry for calling so many times.
He got his horn broken off!
He's lost his edge and become much mellower!
Um, so about my promise to meet you...
I'm in Morocco for personal reasons, so I might not make it today.
Morocco?
He lost his horn in Morocco?
Actually, where in heaven's name are you, girl?
Couldn't you have told me you were moving? Gosh, that's so cold of you!
What the hell?! Why is he talking all feminine now?!
Is that what "losing his horn" actually meant?
What? You're in Morocco, too?
Why is the lady helping Jabu out?!
She says to send her a selfie with where I'm at right now.
Hang on just a teensy-weensy sec! I'll send it over ASAP!
Are you two friends or something?!
Open Cancel
I'm...
right behind you!
That's where you use it?!
Instead of Jabu, the lady says "right behind you"?
But it'd be scary if Jabu said it.
That's the point!
Jabu got to meet the lady,
and it turned into a heartwarming scary story.
All's well that ends well, right?
That wasn't heartwarming or scary at all!
Normally, Jabu would gradually draw closer
and get all the way to her room!
And then, the lady turns to the last resort and cuts off
the phone line.
Just when she thinks she's saved...
Milady. It's me, Jabu.
I'm...
It's you!
We don't need the "it's you"!
That was the punchline for the previous scary story!
This one's is "right behind you"!
Right behind you!
Not behind Phoenix!
Just how many Phoenixes are there?!
Like I told you,
a Phoenix rises from the ashes over and over.
Not that! Behind the lady...
...Phoenix is clinging to your back.
What the hell?! Enough of that!
It's you!
I told you, we used that punchline already!
Right behind you!
Phoenix is clinging.
It's you!
Right behind you!
Phoenix is clinging.
It's you!
Right behind you!
Phoenix is clinging.
It's you!
Right behind you!
Phoenix is clinging.
It's you!
Right behind you!
Phoenix is clinging.
It's you!
Right behind you!
The scare in this case is a staircase filled with Phoenixes?!
Phoenix is clinging.
Enough! I'm done asking you guys for help!
I'd be better off making something up myself—
Hello?
Hello? Is this Sakata Gintoki-san's residence?
I'm calling from the Oedo Copyright Agency...
I'm at the intersection on Third right now.
Hello, you've reached Sunrise—
I mean, Bandai Namco Pictures.
Hello?
I'm calling from the Copyright Agency...
Preview
O Lady Robokko, please hear us.
Will we be forgiven for our sins?
Huh?
Wait, after all this time...
It's the shogun?!
"Amen."
Amen
Man, that was terrifying!!!
We nearly wet ourselves!!!
Next episode, we repent for all kinds of mistakes
by opening a "Confessional Booth"!